Rabbit Puff Girl's Cooking Advice

[La Vie Cruelle]

Ask LG's resident culinary student any question you have!

Fucked up cooking eggs?
Can't boil water without burning it?
Can't get that cereal into the bowl without your mind blowing up?
Want to make some fancy-smanchy dinner for that chick you like or your fat lazy family?

We'll I'm here to help! Tips and how-to's from simple to classical when your problems arise!


Advice on:

• Cooking temperatures
• Sanitation/is it safe to eat...?
• Cooking times
• Preparations
• Seasonings/flavors
• Recipes/modding recipes
• Converting Servings/yields to fit your needs
• Fine dining
• Quick meals/snacks
• Nutrition
• How to cook ____?
• Replicating dishes/condiments (i.e.: That one restaurant's special sauce)
  
  All this plus more! So come on you sorry sacks of shit, come forth!
  
  :p
  

[Drakonid]

I found this thing on the floor. Not sure what it is, but it seems tasty. Should I eat it?

[La Vie Cruelle]

I found this thing on the floor. Not sure what it is, but it seems tasty. Should I eat it?

GTFO whore. >_>

You have no clue how many times I've been asked if you leave this steak out on this counter for X amount of times can you still eat it. <_<
Or I found a mushroom, can i eatz it?

No real questions, get the hell out of here. This is not a fucking spam area.

[La Vie Cruelle]

I want a complete omelet guide. Also how bad is it to drink milk after the expiration date; I often drink milk that is passed its date.

Complete omelet guide as in, as many omelets as I can come up with OR cooking process of OR A complete nutritional meal worthy omelet guide. >_>

AND it really depends on how far past it's date the milk is.
In the restaurant world, you normally never hold milk that long anyway; BUT in some cases when they do, they just always throw it out to avoid problems later.
In home instances: Just depends on how it was stored. Was it stored in a proper cooler that was always 32°F or below, and how many times did that cooler get opened? Also, does the milk taste off? Any hint of spoilage, you have to throw it out. Unless you want diarrhea, I wouldn't drink it.

Rule of thumb: When in doubt, throw it out.

---------- Post added at 07:07 PM ---------- Previous post was at 07:07 PM ----------

I want a complete omelet guide. Also how bad is it to drink milk after the expiration date; I often drink milk that is passed its date.

Complete omelet guide as in, as many omelets as I can come up with OR cooking process of OR A complete nutritional meal worthy omelet guide. >_>

AND it really depends on how far past it's date the milk is.
In the restaurant world, you normally never hold milk that long anyway; BUT in some cases when they do, they just always throw it out to avoid problems later.
In home instances: Just depends on how it was stored. Was it stored in a proper cooler that was always 32°F or below, and how many times did that cooler get opened? Also, does the milk taste off? Any hint of spoilage, you have to throw it out. Unless you want diarrhea, I wouldn't drink it.

Rule of thumb: When in doubt, throw it out.

[Saved]

Oh oh, how about a cookie recipe with some kind of twist? Any good vegan desert recipes you know that are quick?

[CL0V3R]

Do you have a good recipe for steak not using a grill and still make it taste like a steak? If that makes sense.
I've been wanting steak so bad. ;___;

[La Vie Cruelle]

Oh oh, how about a cookie recipe with some kind of twist? Any good vegan desert recipes you know that are quick?

Cookies with a twist? The first thing that came to my mind was when my friend Christi brought me these cookies made with applesauce in it as a substitute for oil.

• 1/2 cup applesauce
• 1 cup packed brown sugar
• 1 tablespoon vanilla extract
• 1 cup semisweet chocolate chips
• 1 large egg
• 1 1/4 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
• 3/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 cup butter

Preheat oven to 375°.

Combine flour, baking powder, and salt in a bowl.

Spoon applesauce into a china cap or fine sieve over a bowl and let sit until all liquid has dripped through. Scrape drained applesauce into a large bowl. You don't need the applesauce liquid.

Add sugar and butter to the applesauce; beat with a mixer on medium until fluffy. Next beat in your vanilla and egg. Add the flour mixture gradually; beat this at a low speed until well blended. Fold in chips. Do not over mix.

Drop batter on to baking sheets coated with cooking spray. Bake at 375° for 10 minutes or until your desired doneness. Cool and serve.

Do you have a good recipe for steak not using a grill and still make it taste like a steak? If that makes sense.
I've been wanting steak so bad. ;___;

You mean that charred, grilled taste it gets? A little liquid smoke and broiling the steak could give you that taste, but it just isn't the same.

If not, I like to pan-fry my steaks over broiling them when I'm too lazy to grill. I've also seen people take those flavored wood chips and put them in the bottom of a roasting pan, take a wire rack and set it over them, place the steak on it, and loosely cover it with aluminum foil to smoke the steak in the oven and give it a light flavor. You have to pour enough water into the bottom of the pan to moisten the chips, but not so much that you cover them. Ideally, you want to soak the chips in the water ahead of time and add in even less water into the bottom of the roasting pan.

I've done this once before with apple wood chips, and it gave my steak a light sweet mild apple flavor. My mom has soaked the chips in apple juice before instead of water and had these crazy flavors for a ham.

[Beyoncé]

Recipe for panda express's orange chicken. I tried something similar to it... it wasnt the same

[La Vie Cruelle]

Recipe for panda express's orange chicken. I tried something similar to it... it wasnt the same

Sorry to say we don't have a Panda Express in this area, so I've never had it; or can go try it to tell you. TwT

[Saved]

Thanks for the recepie, I'll try later tonight! The only thing is....I can't use the chocolate chips. I'm making these for my little nephew...unfortunately he's allergic to eggs, milk and peanuts. I've tried adding in fruit before but that never had a happy ending. I'll definitely use the apple sauce though. Would pieces of peppermint work to replace the chocolate?

[Drakonid]

I need a good recipe for guacamole.

[La Vie Cruelle]

Thanks for the recepie, I'll try later tonight! The only thing is....I can't use the chocolate chips. I'm making these for my little nephew...unfortunately he's allergic to eggs, milk and peanuts. I've tried adding in fruit before but that never had a happy ending. I'll definitely use the apple sauce though. Would pieces of peppermint work to replace the chocolate?

The peppermint may melt in the cookie, and possibly burn. I've seen this happen before. You can just make them like sugar cookies: take out the chips and top them off with an iced glaze that doesn't contain butter.

Ingredients

* 1 cup confectioners' sugar
* 1 tablespoon light corn syrup
* 2 tablespoons water
* 10 drops food coloring

Directions

1. Stir confectioners' sugar, corn syrup, and water together. Stir in food coloring if desired. This glaze must be stirred each time you use it. If it is not stirred before each use it will dry with a mottled look instead of a solid color.

(recipe for icing via Allrecipes.com)

Also, the egg acts as an binding agent for the cookies. There are very few substitutes for this, but you can also use 2 tbsp corn starch per 1 egg. If it is a little dry, you can add a bit of water until it is the consistency you want.


---------- Post added at 12:14 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:02 PM ----------

I need a good recipe for guacamole.

Mm the one I always use is simple, but it yields 1 qt. If you need me to dim it down to like 2 or 3 cups, I can.

Guacamole:

- 4 Ripe avocados, medium size
- 2 oz Onions, GRATED
- 1 Small, hot green chile, minced (like.. jalapenos or something)
- 1 fl oz Lime/Lemon Juice (either or)
- 1 fl oz Olive oil
- to taste salt
- 12 oz fresh tomato (optional)

1. Pit and peel the avocados. Mash the pulp coarsely. The purée should be slightly lumpy.
2. Mix in the onion, minced chile, lime/lemon juice, olive oil, and salt to taste
3. If desired, peel, seed, and dice the tomato and mix into the avocado mixture.

Cover tightly and chill until ready to serve.

[chowchig]

Hmm, I need to know how to make a good frappe.

[Omlett]

PESTO. I need a good recipe for organic Pesto.
sometimes i cant get enough pesto and for some reason im really craving it right now.
Id much rather make it myself than buying it at the store.

[La Vie Cruelle]

Hmm, I need to know how to make a good frappe.

What type of frappe? The type you see in those little piss-ant American fast food chains, or authentic Greek?

PESTO. I need a good recipe for organic Pesto.
sometimes i cant get enough pesto and for some reason im really craving it right now.
Id much rather make it myself than buying it at the store.

I find it funny that you stress the word organic, but anything can be turned into an organic meal.
A recipe is only as organic as the ingredients are. In other words, any recipe can become organic if your ingredients are labeled and sold as it. So the organic part is on your purchase of ingredients.

Here is the pesto I used when I was in my grains class. It's just a basic basil sauce my partner and I came up with. Yields 3 cups:
- 2 qt Fresh basil leaves
- 1 1/2 C. Olive oil
- 2 oz walnuts or pine nuts
- 6 garlic cloves
- 1 1/2 tsp salt
- 5 oz Parmesan cheese, grated
- 1 1/2 oz Romano cheese, grated

1. Wash the basil leaves and drain well. Don't use hot water.
2. Put the basil, oil, nuts, garlic, and salt in a blender or food processor. Blend to a paste, but not so long that the mixture is smooth. It should be slightly coarse.
3. Pour mixture into a bowl and add in cheese.
4. To serve: Cook pasta like normal, and just before pasta is done stir a little of the hot cooking water into the pesto to thin it. If desired, toss the drained pasta with the pesto and serve immediately. Top with more grated cheese if desired.

[chowchig]

Piss-ant ones, since I think that the originals are to difficult for my feeble mind to prepare.

[La Vie Cruelle]

Piss-ant ones, since I think that the originals are to difficult for my feeble mind to prepare.

The authentic one's aren't too hard, but it probably wont taste like a frappe to you. They are COMPLETELY different from the one's I've seen in these little fast food chains.

Brewed coffee + Vanilla Ice Cream + Ice + Flavorings (such as chocolate syrup,instant cappuccino mix, caramel sauce) + all in a blender + pour in glass, top with whip cream and a drizzle of chocolate/caramel = American fast food chain-style frappe.

You're going to want to make a concentration of coffee (in other words, really fucking strong coffee). To do this, you run the same liquid through a coffee maker 2 or 3 times. (OR! If you have coffee paste, that works too! but i doubt you do, since I've only seen highly dedicated bakers with this) About 2/3 cups of coffee. Add 1/3 cup milk to the coffee.

Next you want about 1/2 cup of ice in a blender, the coffee/milk mixture, and ice cream (just a few SMALL scoops), and if desired: chocolate syrup, caramel sauce, instant cappuccino mix (for added flavor). Blend this to a nice smooth creamy liquid, then add about 1/2 cup more ice blend until smooth again.

Want it more creamy? Add more ice cream, less ice.

Top off with whip cream, and drizzle some caramel sauce or chocolate syrup on top and we have a winner.

[Chris]

Can I get a good method of preparing these mushrooms I found?



Don't they just look fucking delicious?

[La Vie Cruelle]

Can I get a good method of preparing these mushrooms I found?



Don't they just look fucking delicious?

Sauté in a compound butter and chuck em down. If you're still alive, tell me how they tasted :>

[Panda]

umhai. tator cake?

And also, any little tricks for making game meat taste less gamey? Particularly when broiling or pan frying?

Good stuff to cook as a side for fish? (baked/grilled fish, not fried )

[La Vie Cruelle]

umhai. tator cake?

And also, any little tricks for making game meat taste less gamey? Particularly when broiling or pan frying?

Good stuff to cook as a side for fish? (baked/grilled fish, not fried )

TAAAATOOOORRR CAAAAAKKKEEE!!

Marinades for 6-24 hours. Particularly a red-wine mixture marinade. That, or buy yourself some farm-raised game (lawl)

and the basic meal is normally composed of a starch + veg + meat. o_o
So any combination of that would work. Depending on the flavors you add to the fish, throw in contrasting/compromising sides.

For instance: Lemon-blackend talipia with basic steamed/sautéd vegetable medley, and a gratin dauphinoise <3

[Panda]

Can't get that cereal into the bowl without your mind blowing up?
Want to make some fancy-smanchy dinner for that chick you like or your fat lazy family?

luls I love it.

[Drakonid]

I need a way of getting the smell of onion/garlic off my hands

[CL0V3R]

I need a way of getting the smell of onion/garlic off my hands

Rub stainless steel against your hands, no joke.

[Elliot]

Tuna casserole. For some reason it taste like somethings missing. Here are my ingredients.

Tuna
Elbow noodles
Cream of mushroom
Bread crumbs with a hint of butter.

[Omlett]

potatoes gratin.
im really craving this.

[La Vie Cruelle]

Tuna casserole. For some reason it taste like somethings missing. Here are my ingredients.

Tuna
Elbow noodles
Cream of mushroom
Bread crumbs with a hint of butter.

I've always added cheese sauce to my tuna casseroles. (see below, also: lolololol i made mine today) What type of Tuna are you using?

@Gansta Omlett- Frankly I recommend a gratin dauphinoise, but that's if you like it a little creamy and lighter flavor. Plus, it's more of what people expect as a normal Au Gratin.

For Au Gratin:

*2 lb Potatoes
*2 1/2 TB Dry Bread Crumbs
*1/2 tsp Paprika
*1 TB Butter, melted
*2 Cups Cheddar cheese sauce ( you can buy it pre-made or attempt to make my homemade one below)

--2 TB butter
--2 TB flour
--2 cups milk
--Piece of bayleaf
--Part of a whole onion (like a little section)
--Whole Clove
--To taste Salt
--To Taste Nutmeg
--To Taste White Pepper
--2 TB cheddar cheese
--To Taste Dry mustard
--1/4 tsp worcestershire sauce

1. Prepare a roux of flour and butter. To do so heat the butter in the pan until slightly melted, then add your flour. Stir constantly. Let it cook for about 5 minutes. DO NOT STOP STIRRING. Cool slightly when done.
2. Now, in order for the roux to not break when you add the milk -- you have to temper the milk. To do this, take a little of your warm roux and scrafice it. How? Add it to the freaking milk and stir. Badabingbadaboom. Tempered milk. Gradually add to the rest of the roux, beating constantly.
3.Bring the sauce to a boil, stirring constantly. Reduce to a SIMMER (not a rolling boil, simmer)
4. Stick the bay leaf to the onion by stabbing it with the whole clove. (no, really, do it. Makes an onion Piqué.) Simmer at least 15 minutes or, if possible. 30 minutes or more. Stirring occasionally while cooking.
5. Adjust consistency with more hot milk, if NECESSARY.
6. season very lightly with salt, nutmeg, mustard, worcestershire, cheddar cheese and white pepper
7. Strain the sauce through a fine mesh strainer (also known as a china cap, but I doubt you people know what they are called >_>) Cover or spread melted butter on the surface to prevent a nasty skin from forming.



Au Gratin Instructions:
1. Wash potatoes and simmer or steam until tender but still firm.
2. Drain and cool. Peel and cunt them into a uniform large dice.
3. Combine potatoes with hot cheese sauce in a baking pan.
4. mix the bread crumbs and paprika, sprinkle over the potatoes. Drizzle the butter evently over the top.
5. Bake @ 350 degrees for about 30 minutes, or until hot and browned.

makes about 6, 6 ounce servings

[Omlett]

Sounds amazing
i'll make it this weekend.

[La Vie Cruelle]

Oh, and if your sauce isn't as thick as you want it when you add it to the roux, make some more rouc off to the side in a little sauce pan or something then gradually add it to the milk mixture. Note: This sauce thickens as it cools, so don't add to much.

Your roux should look something like this as well:

Some people like to use more butter to make it more smooth, but that weakens it thickening power slightly.

[Bman]

I'm looking for a really meaty sandwich to make.

I can use as much meat as possible, preferably a low amount but cooked to taste amazing. I can use 2 - 3 pieces of bread/bun.
Anything else you would like to throw in there go right ahead

[Eli]

What is the Big Mac special sauce?
I love it so <3

[Drakonid]

ketchup and minced onion

[Saved]

Could I request a good, but simple recipe for bread? I've never made any kind of bread before, its always been rice as a staple food at home.