Hello Children

[C0FFINCASE]

Pedophiles Say Pokémon Metagame Too Difficult, No Longer Easy to Befriend and Lure Kids with Pokémon
BY JACK · AUGUST 17, 2014

There once was a time where a pedophile could simply mention that he had a Pikachu in his van and kids would be in there within minutes. Now they will only enter a stranger’s van for a Pokémon that is perfectly breeded, EV maxed, with a hold item and nature to compliment the moveset.orifhedoesntuseanyholditemsMeet convicted pedophile Garcia Marsh. Guilty of over 15 counts of child molestation, he was an expert in using Pokémon to lure kids into his home. In exchange for a slightly reduced sentence, he willingly gave up his techniques so that police and community supervisors could develop a more thorough defense against pedophiles.

First he talked about his history with the game and how he used it to lure children into his van.

“Veterans like me are comfortable with using Pokémon,” Marsh explained, “Trust me, you don’t want a kid who likes Angry Birds or Minecraft. Those kids are just nightmares. But man, it was so easy back in the day. All you had to do was say you have a Clefairy in your van and kids would just run in there. Your van would be like a clown car by the end of the day.”

“But times changed,” continued Marsh, “Kids got smart. They didn’t believe Pokémon were real after a few years. You had to say that you have merchandise like the games or cards just to get them interested. But after a while, that stopped working too. Nobody could explain it. Then one of my friends showed me the world of competitive Pokémon. And damn it, that’s what did me in.”

He talked about learning the intricacies of the Pokémon metagame and that he had heard stories of pedophiles being caught by the police after children reported strange men pretending to play Pokémon outside of their house.

“It was a double-edged sword,” said Marsh, “Kids don’t care about how you look or if your unmarked van has been parked there too long. They care about Pokémon. They love it. You say the wrong thing though and you’re going to jail. I learned that real quick after an acquaintance was arrested when he told a kid that he had a competitive Pikachu in his van. What an idiot, nobody uses Pikachu competitively.”

Smogon, a community dedicated to competitive Pokémon, was aware that there was an uptick over the last few years in activity from older men in their 40s and 50s. Setsuna, the administrator of the site, knew about this but did not report any of it to the police.

“They were desperate,” wrote Setsuna in an explanation to the community, “The only way to be versed in competitive Pokémon is to play competitive Pokémon. You can’t pretend around us. You’re a moron if you want to give Alakazam recover. But surprisingly, some of these guys got good. Real good. They developed strategies that we never thought of. We couldn’t give that up, even if it meant children were being abused.”

Marsh clearly remembers the day he was caught by the police. He was having a difficult day trying to differentiate between the Smogon and World Championship rule sets when a kid challenged him to a Pokémon battle.

“I gained a reputation around my neighborhood for being a bad Pokémon player,” recalled Marsh, “That hurt my feelings as a human being. It hurt almost as much as being a pedophile. I had just spent 78 hours trying to breed a decent Aegislash when this bratty kid came up to me. I had spent months dedicated just to competitive Pokémon and I knew I could kick his ass. Stupid me.”

“When I inevitably lost against his perfectly trained Azumarill, he complained that I broke the item clause by having two leftovers,” continued Marsh, “I yelled at him and told him that he never specified what rule set to use and that he will burn in hell. Police showed up at my door the next day. They went through my stuff and well, you know the rest. Funny thing is, I haven’t done anything to a kid since I started competitive Pokémon.”

Based on Marsh’s story, new warning posters will soon be hung up in vulnerable neighborhoods. One of them features the line “Call 911 if a Trainer asks to battle you with a NU Pokémon.”

-http://www.p4rgaming.com/pedophiles-say-pokemon-metagame-too-difficult-no-longer-easy-to-befriend-and-lure-kids-with-pokemon/#

[rygaku]

Pedophiles Say Pokémon Metagame Too Difficult, No Longer Easy to Befriend and Lure Kids with Pokémon
BY JACK · AUGUST 17, 2014

There once was a time where a pedophile could simply mention that he had a Pikachu in his van and kids would be in there within minutes. Now they will only enter a stranger’s van for a Pokémon that is perfectly breeded, EV maxed, with a hold item and nature to compliment the moveset.orifhedoesntuseanyholditemsMeet convicted pedophile Garcia Marsh. Guilty of over 15 counts of child molestation, he was an expert in using Pokémon to lure kids into his home. In exchange for a slightly reduced sentence, he willingly gave up his techniques so that police and community supervisors could develop a more thorough defense against pedophiles.

First he talked about his history with the game and how he used it to lure children into his van.

“Veterans like me are comfortable with using Pokémon,” Marsh explained, “Trust me, you don’t want a kid who likes Angry Birds or Minecraft. Those kids are just nightmares. But man, it was so easy back in the day. All you had to do was say you have a Clefairy in your van and kids would just run in there. Your van would be like a clown car by the end of the day.”

“But times changed,” continued Marsh, “Kids got smart. They didn’t believe Pokémon were real after a few years. You had to say that you have merchandise like the games or cards just to get them interested. But after a while, that stopped working too. Nobody could explain it. Then one of my friends showed me the world of competitive Pokémon. And damn it, that’s what did me in.”

He talked about learning the intricacies of the Pokémon metagame and that he had heard stories of pedophiles being caught by the police after children reported strange men pretending to play Pokémon outside of their house.

“It was a double-edged sword,” said Marsh, “Kids don’t care about how you look or if your unmarked van has been parked there too long. They care about Pokémon. They love it. You say the wrong thing though and you’re going to jail. I learned that real quick after an acquaintance was arrested when he told a kid that he had a competitive Pikachu in his van. What an idiot, nobody uses Pikachu competitively.”

Smogon, a community dedicated to competitive Pokémon, was aware that there was an uptick over the last few years in activity from older men in their 40s and 50s. Setsuna, the administrator of the site, knew about this but did not report any of it to the police.

“They were desperate,” wrote Setsuna in an explanation to the community, “The only way to be versed in competitive Pokémon is to play competitive Pokémon. You can’t pretend around us. You’re a moron if you want to give Alakazam recover. But surprisingly, some of these guys got good. Real good. They developed strategies that we never thought of. We couldn’t give that up, even if it meant children were being abused.”

Marsh clearly remembers the day he was caught by the police. He was having a difficult day trying to differentiate between the Smogon and World Championship rule sets when a kid challenged him to a Pokémon battle.

“I gained a reputation around my neighborhood for being a bad Pokémon player,” recalled Marsh, “That hurt my feelings as a human being. It hurt almost as much as being a pedophile. I had just spent 78 hours trying to breed a decent Aegislash when this bratty kid came up to me. I had spent months dedicated just to competitive Pokémon and I knew I could kick his ass. Stupid me.”

“When I inevitably lost against his perfectly trained Azumarill, he complained that I broke the item clause by having two leftovers,” continued Marsh, “I yelled at him and told him that he never specified what rule set to use and that he will burn in hell. Police showed up at my door the next day. They went through my stuff and well, you know the rest. Funny thing is, I haven’t done anything to a kid since I started competitive Pokémon.”

Based on Marsh’s story, new warning posters will soon be hung up in vulnerable neighborhoods. One of them features the line “Call 911 if a Trainer asks to battle you with a NU Pokémon.”

-http://www.p4rgaming.com/pedophiles-say-pokemon-metagame-too-difficult-no-longer-easy-to-befriend-and-lure-kids-with-pokemon/#

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW
they should be banned from buying video games for life.
but seriously the pedo in the story was a fucking retard XD