Gotta love it

[Raivu]

This is the government warning on a packet of Fruit Snacks - "KEEP KIDS SAFE! To avoid choking, give Fruit Flavored Snacks only to children who can easily swallow chewey foods. Children should be seated and supervised while eating."

That's actually longer than the warning on my cigarettes.

Best bit - every frigging day I feel fine. I smoke, I eat meat, I worship salt, my entire vegetable group is "potatoes lubricated with butter," I drink beer, I walk 4 miles, I take naps, and I feel GREAT. My great grandmother lived the exact same life, and she didn't even get put into a home until she was in her mid-90's. And at that point her bp wasn't much worse than the stupidly low figures I am currently posting, and mind you this was in the 80's when medical care was pretty much nothing but drilling into your head to let the demons out.

Only now, according to Frau Klebb, I "suffer" from high blood pressure.

No I fucking don't. Oddly enough, "slightly elevated" blood pressure doesn't mean shit to me in my day-to-day life. I've drunk 4 cups of coffee to kill off a hangover, strapped on 2 pounds of footwear, and tramped 3 miles through a snowstorm while chain-smoking... and have never even felt light-headed. Pfft, I only eat two meals a day - bagel with cream cheese somewhere around noonish and a plate full of meat with salt on it for dinner, I have yet to faint. That's my three meals a day... coffee, bagel, meat.

So now I have six months to get the mildly elevated bp back down, or else it's more tests and medication, which I loathe, despise, and won't fucking take unless it's at gunpoint. I am, according to Frau Klebb, supposed to cut my salt down to three grains per meal, stop drinking, stop smoking, eat more green shit even though that isn't food, it's what food eats.

So let me get this straight... I have slightly elevated numbers. Ok. I feel perfectly fine and I love my life and enjoy ingesting whatever my body tells me it wants and needs. I function perfectly. Ok. This is defined as "suffering" from high blood pressure.

The cure is - give up cigarettes, beer, whiskey, red meat, butter, salt, mashed potatoes, staying up late, horror movies, crossing intersections in front of busses, Dr. Demento, seeing 120 am on a clock, and thinking about anything political.

Which one's the actual "suffering?" She lost me there.

Frau Klebb can kiss my ass. I only get one ride, I'll be fucked if I'm gonna trade feeling fine and loving it for feeling slightly better and hating every minute of it.

I would rather die at 50 having loved every single minute of it than die at 90 having hated almost all of my adult life.

Kiss my ass, dr. doom. Me and salt are still bffs, and in spite of the hangover I will still wake up tomorrow, strap on what's left of my workboots, and hike four miles through the freezing cold to buy cigarettes and beer.

Life is only life as long as it's worth living.

[noob]

technically I should be dissing you out, but hey man, we have one life to live and that's it. I never even follow my own rules, and I've never gotten badly sick for years. I eat like a horse everyday and I'm not diabetic. If it doesn't kill you - we can always figure that out later.

*goes back to onion rings and barbeque dip*

EDIT: Let me let you in on a little secret: Slightly elevated blood pressure doesn't mean shit. Frau Klebb is doing it wrong.

[Raivu]

I know, man. I feel you there. Due to my bad health choices since I was born, I've built up such a strong healthy metabolism.

I have no Allergies
I have no Disabilities
I only get sick once every 3 years
I can't gain weight
My body tones well

So hell yeah. Smoke, Drink, Eat mud and shit play-doh for days.

[noob]

moteLOLface:

u mad Frau Klebb? moteTroll:

[Jah]

I know, man. I feel you there. Due to my bad health choices since I was born, I've built up such a strong healthy metabolism.

I have no Allergies
I have no Disabilities
I only get sick once every 3 years
I can't gain weight
My body tones well

So hell yeah. Smoke, Drink, Eat mud and shit play-doh for days.

I'm like that, except for i'm sick right now. 3 years go to three months.

[Raivu]

lol well damn.

[Kain]

*****, I got slightly elevated numbers, ya know what I did?

Cut back on salt a teeny tiny bit.
Like, a barely noticable amount.

Now I'm fun.

Suck it doctor, I'll go back to eating popcorn with half a stick of butter on it~

[Raivu]

Haha. "Now I'm fun" is the greatest conclusion to any story I've ever heard.
And idk man. I really really love my salt.

[Stormie]

I think it also depends what you were able to eat when you were a kid with somethings. (Obviously not cigarettes)
For instance, my boyo was vegan raised from birth until 5 & he has intolerance to things like milk and the like.

Fuck the rules.
I used to take vitamins everyday, eat semi-healthy, and get good exercise.
That was followed by epileptic seizures and anemia. Not directly a result, of course. But still.

I now smoke, hardly work out and always forget my supplements.
Doing this I feel fine, I can still run, and I lost 5lbs.

As for the high blood pressure, that bitch is crazy out their mind, yo.
Lower blood pressure = cut out stress-freeing cigarettes? uh, k.

[Raivu]

I follow by the belief that the more shit you put your body through, the tougher it'll get. Calais are visual proof of that. I grew up eating play-doh, mud, grass, salt off mcdonalds tables, etc.
Now I'm pretty much invincible to getting sick.