How to be a complete ass, and have friends.

[Kain]

1. Lie. A lot. Obvious lies. Elaborately ridiculous lies. And do it with a straight face. I could tell someone my brother was a fighter pilot who died in Vietnam while trying to make a latte mid-flight without cracking a smile.

2. Insult everyone. Do not discriminate. Friends get the worst ones. Be so convincing that they have no idea if you're serious or not, until they see you holding back (intentional) giggles.

3.In the middle of a boring conversation? Just walk away without saying bye. You have more important things to do.

4.Resist hugs. Don't deny them. Just resist. Or put in as little effort as possible, and act like it's a big hassle.

5. Find one person, preferably of the opposite sex. Treat them better than everyone else.

6. ???

7. Profit

All of these things rely on today's societal norms, and the raging sense of entitlement of today's population.
I have employed them all successfully.

[Stormie]

You just described my ex. It worked for a little while, but now everyone realizes he's a douche and no one wants him around. ^_^

[Taz]

Most of thr girls in my school like guys that treat them bad and shit but that just aint me so im just gonna stay being nice till some girl wants a nice guy.

[Kain]

You just described my ex. It worked for a little while, but now everyone realizes he's a douche and no one wants him around. ^_^

It's worked for me for 3 years now.
The trick is to actually care underneath it all.

[Stormie]

He does. He cares too much what people think really, quite the sensitive kitty. I've had him crying on my shoulder and all that neat stuff. Though he reverts back to the front of egotistical asshole, and when you'd try to confront him he'd say he was just joking or some variation, when he clearly wasn't. It just all comes down to being obsessed with peoples opinions of you.
He wanted people to see him as someone who didn't care what they thought, did or said. I truly hate him.

[Kain]

He does. He cares too much what people think really, quite the sensitive kitty. I've had him crying on my shoulder and all that neat stuff. Though he reverts back to the front of egotistical asshole, and when you'd try to confront him he'd say he was just joking or some variation, when he clearly wasn't. It just all comes down to being obsessed with peoples opinions of you.
He wanted people to see him as someone who didn't care what they thought, did or said. I truly hate him.

I don't honestly care about anyones opinions except my girlfriend's.

[Stormie]

Then you should be alright. It pains me to see people who don't even know themselves because they're too busy trying to mold themselves into someone else entirely for strangers.

[C0FFINCASE]

This thread is about being House...or Kain or me.

[Kain]

This thread is about being House...or Kain or me.

Asshole musicians/doctors who care ftw.

[Raivu]

The biggest thing is, you can't go searching for women.
Women expect men to search them out, because it's a natural assumption that all men want sex.
If you search, you're immediately on the list of all the other men who just want tits.
But if you sit back, and let women come to you, then it'll not only show that you're responsible and not just out for tits, but they'll realize you're not like other guys.
Express interest to a girl you like, of course, but don't do it to the extent that she thinks you're after her.
A simple "well I think you're cute" here and there snuck into a conversation is perfect.
But keep it to an absolute minimum.

You'll be amazed how many women, and what kind of women, will come flocking to you.

[Pow]

I knew a person like that... but I don't think he would've been able to pull off being an ass if he wasn't attractive. If he had flaws like his friends, they would have a reason to pick on him and I don't think women would tolerate his behavior. I'd say being attractive helps this personality if this is who you want to be =P.

[ccgamer]

See men have a system.
Women are dreamers, we don't have a plan.
Or I don't.

[Kain]

See men have a system.
Women are dreamers, we don't have a plan.
Or I don't.

Most girls in my area have a plan that involves being a total bitch.
Js.

[Kabcha]

I would like to add that you must always be a total gentleman, just be the biggest asshole you can. Open doors, pull out chairs, but then use what I like to call the insult sandwich. An insult pressed between two compliments.

"Wow your starting to look really thin! I mean you still have some to go obviously, but look at you it's really paying off."

[ccgamer]

Damn floridians.
Bitches Dx my miami area is ghetto as hell, the girls are rude and obnoxious NATURALLY. No planning involved.

[Stormie]

Also by doing this you will get friends, just with other lying assholes.

[Kain]

Also by doing this you will get friends, just with other lying assholes.

Nope. I'm friends with genuinely nice people.

[Frostbite]

I haven't gotten a text for 4 days. I have no friends

[Kain]

I haven't gotten a text for 4 days. I have no friends

Lul.
I'm your friend<3

[C0FFINCASE]

Super effective technique: Complimenting while insulting them.
"I like your earrings. My grandma wears a lot of fake jewelry too."

[CL0V3R]

I don't know when it comes to people who are royal ass hats and try to play that whole I'mma insult you to be kewl.
I usually end up insulting them back or saying something extremely hurtful if they keep it up too long.
Then people get mad at me. Lol
Seriously I can't stand that type of stuff for extended periods of time. If it's the first time meeting someone and they do that chances are I'll stay quiet, pass off the comment but think they're a douche, or tell them off.
I will sometimes take people's bullshit until I can't handle it if we're really good friend. (Like if they were chill before this and decided recently to become a douche.)
I am actually really crappy at being a people person, I'm not really sure why people like me.
@Coffin: I would have said something jokingly insulting myself or you back to that.

[C0FFINCASE]

I don't know when it comes to people who are royal ass hats and try to play that whole I'mma insult you to be kewl.
I usually end up insulting them back or saying something extremely hurtful if they keep it up too long.
Then people get mad at me. Lol
Seriously I can't stand that type of stuff for extended periods of time. If it's the first time meeting someone and they do that chances are I'll stay quiet, pass off the comment but think they're a douche, or tell them off.
I will sometimes take people's bullshit until I can't handle it if we're really good friend. (Like if they were chill before this and decided recently to become a douche.)
I am actually really crappy at being a people person, I'm not really sure why people like me.
@Coffin: I would have said something jokingly insulting myself or you back to that.

Because you're put together. Most people are mess and when they see anyone that is halfway put together they like them.

That's because you're smart. Unfortunately as this kids proved:
A ton of women aren't. Particularly the ones that are getting by souly on their looks.

[Omlett]

See men have a system.
Women are dreamers, we don't have a plan.
Or I don't.

its called the d.e.n.n.i.s system