Quick Story. :P

[NotNeccesary]

Not my best.
No tl;dr please
Please critique

Kyle went upstairs and grabbed a gun and walked back downstairs for his night delight.
"Kyle... please... don't do this"
"I told you to stay away, Teagen," Kyle said sternly raising the gun at her face. Bam. The shot was heard everywhere yet no one minded the sound of a thorn snapping off the rose. It was a normal night, with a normal breeze, and that normal feeling Kyle felt when he snapped a stem in half. He awaited for day to come and then put on his suit and got his m. gun. Today was the day he would conquer the world. He would feel power once and for all. The honk was heard and out the door he went leaving a message of bodies waiting in his house. Into the armored van Kyle and his two buddies, Marc and Czech, raced towards the highlight of their lives. Walking out they gently pushed the door open and Kyle grabbed the guard on the left and Mark grabbed the one on the right while Czech secured the door shut. Mark puts the guard on the floor and executes the poor sould while Kyle whispers into the ear of his captive,
"Tell me, did you feel my hate when I walked in?"
"No, I felt the love in the air break onto the floor."
"Wrong answer."
Czech already started firing at the spectators inside the house while Mark ran upstairs. Sebuya stomped on the guards head and stuck a thorn on his head and started walking away. The day wouldn't be ruined, The Bellas would show they've planned this for years. Lighting blazed the house and shouts were heard from outside. The men with power stormed the house from the top, securing the Queen Bee. Czech took his last bit of energy and put a thorn in his head when he saw a swarm of flies run towards him. Mark and Kyle stood out the hive in which the Queen Bee laid rest and closed their eyes. Whispering the anthem of their beliefs into their minds.
"Do you hear it? Lives are changing, blood is stopping, thoughts are dispersing, souls are wandering, and time is ticking. What are you waiting for? Do you hear it?"
They rammed the door open; they knew what they wanted to hear. They made it clear to the worker bees inside. They heard it, they knew it, and they made it.
The sound The Bellas awaited for was heard throughout the world. Everyone could hear it. The Queen Bee's blood shed through the day as the hive fell. Everyone saw it. Everyone felt it. The Bellas did wrong to the people but right to the members. Czech, Kyle, and Marc knew what noise they had made.
They stopped time for themselves; for when they shed their thorns. Everyone saw.

[Khayden]

American names?

Asian girls?

WHICH IS IT?

[NotNeccesary]

German, asian, and american.
I was hopped on techno/trance ._______________.

[NotNeccesary]

ugh kay I'll edit names.

edit: done.

[BooBearSH]

-Starts to... ah not gonna lie-

Never started to read this shit. xD.

Good story though dude. Amazing truth and shit and whatever.

[NotNeccesary]

I got to the part with the gun shot, and up until there, it's pretty plain and crappy.
id suggest way more detail.
Show, don't tell.

yeh, I would but just wanted to finish up something.
I'd get more descriptive and get it better but this was just a new style I was trying trk on.
Apparently it's not that good so I'll just leave that style on the side.