Could I have your opinions on a story I wrote?

[Blac]

This is only the first little bit.

I call it "We Are Terrorists."

WE ARE TERRORISTS

Prologue

Click clack, click clack. That was all you could hear in the small dark room, illuminated only by three computer monitors. He knew that the loud mechanical keyboard could break his secrecy if one of the large government survellience vans drove by the small shack he lived in, but he didn't care. HGe loved the thing. Admiring it for a second, in it's 199's glory, he returned to typing. Man, programming a C++ compiler from the ground up was hard work especially when doing it in pure 80x86 assembly. Too bad he didn't have hte processing power of a 64-bit computer, but he felt that the micro-cluster of old Dell computers that was nestled snucgly on shelving to his left made up for it. He checked the code over on emore time, and ran it. He opened up nopead and wrote:

#include <iostream>
int main() {
std:out << "Hello World.";
return 0;
}

and saved it as test.cpp. Opening up the terminal window with his command-line compiler loaded up, he imported test.cpp, ran it, and crossed his fingers. Then, magic:

Hello World.

the terminal had printed, with a blinking cursor next to it. He had finally done it. He fired up Tor, connected to the private Tor-hosted Git repo, and pushed the code. It was done, the compiler was now out there for the people. Suddenly, he heard a helicoptor, and a bright light shown down through the cracks in his ceiling. He reached under his desk, slapping a red button, igniting a home-made thermal charge which had been carefully positioned over his hard drive. Just then, his door smashed to the ground, and NAP troops flooded into the room. He was pushed onto the hard concrete floor, and the last thing he saw before he blacked out was two soldiers rushing twoards his computer with a fire extinguisher. He smiled, hearing a muffled explosion an his vision faded to black.

Chapter 1

Tatsuya groaned, rolling over in bed, trying to muffle the alarm speaker. "Citizen number 4,368,124, wake up." It repeated over and over. He finally gave up, standing and walking across the room and pressing the button to deactivate the alarm. "Citizen number 4,368,124, Tatsuya Hanima, awake at 8:04am. This is 20% earlier than average." They told everyone that walking across the room to shut off the stupid thing was supposed to wake you up, but it didn't do much for him. Groggy and weary-eyed, he shuffled into the kitchen to eat. "Citizen number 4,368,124, your normal meal consists of 430 calories. Thjis is 60 more calories than the national average for morning meals. As a result, your meal has been pre-prepared for you today." He hated when this happened. He opened the fridge to see what he had gotten instead of his usual eggs and bacon, and wasn't at all surprised to see what looked like a pile of sludge on the plate. He sighed, taking it out, and set it on the table. He clicked the "Request Silverware" button, and a single spoon was despensed into his hand. Of course, citizens were not to be trusted with silverware, because it could be used as a weapon to overthrow the government. All silverware had to be deposited at the end of each meal, or it would bring NAP troops busting down your door.

Tatsuya lived a fairly good life through, he was happy with it. He lived in the Sunset Apartments, and worked as a System Administrator for the government, or more specifically, the Defensive Security Department. Of course, he himself didn't get to do any of the defensive security being a lowly sysadmin and all, but at least he got trk on their computers. It was a fun jo, because he actually got his own personal computer, something that most citizens could only dream of. In fact, most citizens had never even SEEN a computer before!

--And that's it for now. Tell me how you guys like it! Any crits would be appreicated.--

[Gamelon]

A pretty cool concept, though it might be tough trying to appeal to the average reader.

[wigeria]

Um, its good for a standalone text, but i dont really see how you could convert that into a base.

[xxcookie]

I really see where this is going and i actually like it. its an interesting concept. I approve. keep going and keep updating this!