Internet down. How do I

hack a WEP key for a nearby wifi til the dude comes to hook me up with new jawns?

Even a link to a guide will suffice, but no youtube vids.

(I'm online with some shitty constant disco wifi)

How to Crack a Wi-Fi Network's WEP Password with BackTrack

Cracking WEP and WPA Wireless Networks - Docupedia

it looks like I have to download a lot of crap.

Yeah some needs to make a program tatnincludes all of the above.

Programming Team assignment?

Get on it! Lots of people still use WEP keys srth it, imo.

Indeed it is.

Download kismit-ng. Do a dictionary attack. If it has wpa encryption you'll have to monitor the packets and do a de-auth. Then captcher the auth handshake.