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Another area in which the iPhone 4S comes up short is its network capabilities. Everyone was expecting the new Apple smartphone to finally jump on the 4G bandwagon, but again, the company clearly has other plans. The 4S won't support LTE or new iPhone carrier Sprint's blazing WiMax network. Apple did its best to put a positive spin on the situation, stating that the phone supports HSPA+, which some providers refer to as 4G. Unfortunately, it didn't do much to win over fans, as true 4G speeds are still out of the new device's grasp.
Fans, analysts, and tech junkies all tuned in to watch Apple announce the iPhone 5, and for the time being, it looks like we'll all just have to wait. The iPhone 4S will likely be a successful product for Apple, and the new features like an 8-megapixel camera, 1080p high-definition video recording, and Siri — a built-in, voice-activated virtual assistant — are great selling points. But for those of us who have explored every inch of the current iPhone 4, all we can think about is 5.
So okay, maybe my new Samsung Shitphone isn't so bad. Granted it's NOT very good at doing what I want it to do... but on the other hand, in the TEN PARAGRAPH review I quoted from above, not one single effing time was anything related to the quality of phone calls mentioned. Not ability to get a signal, not audio clarity, not lack of dropping calls, nothing. C'mon, it's a TELEPHONE, not an "Away-From-Home Entertainment Center." I want an fucking phone to make effing phone calls (and send text messages). You know, communication. I don't give a rats ass if it can play Angry Birds in 3-D, music, Fallout 6: Wow New York Hasn't Changed, or show me what the sky looks like from Mars. If i'm broken down in a rainstorm in a gutter someplace, I want the ability to call for help to be priority one, not the ability to watch "Jersey Shore" on a 3" screen as wolves are ripping my legs off with their teeth.

There's a reason everyone on Star Trek used "communicators," not Smartphones. (Some fucking smart, if the absolute lowest priority they have is the "phone" part of the equation). Kirk would be a skeleton drifting through space in the wreckage of the Constellation if his communicator had been lumbered with GPS, a stock market app, roller coaster tycoon, and all of that other crap. I wanna get beamed the hell up, not get directions to the 12 closest Starbucks.