I don’t want to see Eraloo or Welaroaloo or any of the other garden phase exhibits.
The only real reason I want to go, to Australia, is to kill a Wiggle.
I can’t take it any longer! And, and I uh, think it’s a question of how do you kill them. Because clearly they feel no pain. Anything that can smile for seven hours and display no fatigue feels no pain. It doesn’t, it doesn’t. They have no hearts or blood or anything recognisably human. I don’t think crucifixion would tickle a Wiggle. But there must be a way. I know somebody who once touched one of them. Their urine turned blue and the got third degree burns and now they can’t eat dairy. But there must be a way.

-Dylan Moran