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Ok, so it’s Valentine’s Day, you know, that highly commercialized holiday that demands dudes to shell out tons of their well-earned money on useless crap out of pure obligation... yeah, not exactly a guy’s favorite holiday. You either have to think of something unique and romantic (expensive) to do with your ladyfriend or you end up feeling like a loser because you don’t have one. Sad day indeed.
But since we are all hopeless romantics here at Ultimate-Guitar, we should take this opportunity to do something different for the lamest of holidays. Something truly special for the ladies. This is Ultimate-Guitar’s guide to the perfect (and cheap) Valentine’s date that will be sure to impress any female. Let us use the power of guitar to ensure a perfect Valentine’s Day for that special someone.
Step 1: Set Up the Date
Obviously the most crucial factor for Valentine’s Day success is a date. If you fail at securing one, you may end up alone spending the entire day on UG, which is awesome, but that’s business as usual. This is Valentine’s Day dammit- time to get lucky. Call up your girlfriend, wife, best friend’s sister, whoever is the lucky lass. Women love surprises, so be sure to be vague and even a bit misleading as to what your plans are.
Step 2: Dress for Success
Proper grooming is overrated. Women love that classic rock star stench of debauchery. When preparing for the date, skip the shower. Throw on that old Zeppelin t-shirt that hasn’t been washed in months. Then don your jeans. You are ready. Casual lateness is a must so don’t be afraid to pick up the guitar for some extra metronome practice.
Step 3: Pick Her Up and Off You Go
As you arrive to her house, honk the horn a few times to alert her of your arrival. If she doesn’t come out immediately, text her. Wait. As she approaches the car, blast some metal. This is your chance to show her how hard you can headbang and how you mean business. Talk over the loud volume on the way to dinner.
Step 4: Give Her Your Valentine’s Gift
As you arrive at the Olive Garden, hand her your gifts. Anything from a Rush album to a guitar pick necklace will do. If you really want to be creative, make her a mix CD with the following gooey love songs:
Pantera - “This Love”
Look What I Did - “Cupid Full of Eros”
Marylin Manson - “Valentine’s Day”
My Bloody Valentine - “You Made Me Realize”
Bullet For My Valentine - “Hearts Burst into Fire”
Anything by Cannibal Corpse
Step 5: Dominate Dinner Conversation By Bragging About Your Guitar Chops
If there’s anything that history has shown us, it’s that ladies cannot resist guitar nerd rhetoric. Whenever the conversation moves away from guitar, try to bring it back. For example, if she starts talking about her family’s recent ski trip in Vermont, say something like, “That’s fascinating, that reminds me of how I once spent 10 hours straight practicing economy picking…pretty impressive huh?” She is sure to swoon. Don’t forget to mention your sweep picking skills.
Step 6: Leave Everything Else Up To Her
This requires little effort on your part. If she is receptive to your guitar god awesomeness and wants to continue the date, you just scored one of the coolest chicks on the planet. If she is disgusted, at least you didn’t spend too much money.
What a successful date. I’m sure your lady will be more than pleased with your romantic chivalry. Ultimately, Valentine’s Day is a girl’s holiday. Guys can anxiously wait for March 14th, the more dude-friendly holiday, Steak and BJ Day.
By Zach Pino
