What Happened ?

I had plans.. maybe i wanted you see the world with you! But you changed my perception of the world.. and i don't want to see it any longer.. or maybe i just don't want to see it with you any more!

My eyes were all awake for the vermilion daybreaks and twilights. Alone, I've been to those muddy greens like a butterfly tiptoeing in abandon... but now i want a little shade in the sun.

Now sleep-laden; both my eyes... And I'm on my way home with a sad note... they've left, even those unseen... and now my dreams have died too.

There's too much imagery in the second paragraph.

I wasn't sure what was going on, perhaps try to expand it to explain what happened, and stay on topic a little more?

"A buttefly tiptoeing in abandone" really makes no sense. The last paragraph confuses me. You use elipses too much...I have that same problem v_v

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Originally Posted by Minora

There's too much imagery in the second paragraph.

I wasn't sure what was going on, perhaps try to expand it to explain what happened, and stay on topic a little more?

"A buttefly tiptoeing in abandone" really makes no sense. The last paragraph confuses me. You use elipses too much...I have that same problem v_v

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hmm wow u really dont understand what those words mean ? hmm it makes sense to me

Quote:

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Originally Posted by DeadBySunrise

hmm wow u really dont understand what those words mean ? hmm it makes sense to me

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"A butterfly tiptoeing in abandon" doesn't make sense to me either lol.