Love Hurts

I just want to cry,
feel like I could die,
'cause when you say goodbye,
you think that it's a lie,
but I've told you how I feel,
a thousand times before,
I promise this is real,
but you still walk out the door,

You don't have to believe me,
I'm used to the pain,
I'll just cry by myself,
and pretend that it's rain,

And I'm sorry you don't believe,
every word I say,
but every time you leave,
I wish that you would stay,
but you walk out on me,
so I just sit and cry,
why must it be,
that there's no you and I,

You don't have to believe me,
I'm used to the pain,
I'll just cry by myself,
and pretend that it's rain,

I just want to show you,
that I'm telling the truth,
there's nothing that I won't do,
just say you love me too,
'cause I don't like the moments,
that we spend apart,
so offer a postponement,
before you break my heart,

You don't have to believe me,
I'm used to the pain,
I'll just cry by myself,
and pretend that it's rain.

T_T
Thats so beautiful.
Nice Job :)

thanks i love writing poems and lyrics for my band ^.^

Its really good but the third stanza doesnt seem to end itself well...the other ones have very good flow and you can tell they end their own stanzas but that one seems like its missing a piece or maybe its because you left it with a question that it seems slightly out of place. I do like it though :)

I'm afraid I don't share the opinion of Angela on this one...

To me, it reads very fluently, almost like the very tears of which you speak (or shall we pretend it truly is rain?)

I see you also know Russian, judging from your sig.
That's great! Y'know, you should try integrating Russian poems/texts into your lyrics,
they've fantastic views on the world... Really, very valuable material if you can read it :]

Now, back to your lyrics again:

So they read very fluently, but like my own lyrics, they lack a bit of depth.
I think, by adding a deeper meaning to your words, you'll let people focus more on them.
Of course, they don't have to be distracting or overcomplicated, but a bit of depth should do fine ;]

At the very least, one could do research and find out a huge lot behind the seemingly 'simple' song
('American Pie' is probably among the very BEST songs to illustrate this - just look up the explanation for it)

As a fellow writer, musician and Russian-speaking mate, I wish you the best of luck further on!
Looking forward to your following works! Do post more! :]

Quote:

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Originally Posted by The_Theomorphic_Librarian

I'm afraid I don't share the opinion of Angela on this one...

To me, it reads very fluently, almost like the very tears of which you speak (or shall we pretend it truly is rain?)

I see you also know Russian, judging from your sig.
That's great! Y'know, you should try integrating Russian poems/texts into your lyrics,
they've fantastic views on the world... Really, very valuable material if you can read it :]

Now, back to your lyrics again:

So they read very fluently, but like my own lyrics, they lack a bit of depth.
I think, by adding a deeper meaning to your words, you'll let people focus more on them.
Of course, they don't have to be distracting or overcomplicated, but a bit of depth should do fine ;]

At the very least, one could do research and find out a huge lot behind the seemingly 'simple' song
('American Pie' is probably among the very BEST songs to illustrate this - just look up the explanation for it)

As a fellow writer, musician and Russian-speaking mate, I wish you the best of luck further on!
Looking forward to your following works! Do post more! :]

---

thanks everyone for ur appreciation ,umm i changed it a bit, to use it as a song ,for my band.... )))

i wrote this when i was really sad a year back coz of relationship thing.. well i am really sensitive person ,so tears do fall like rain. its sad how people these days play with others feelings and heart..just think love is a joke..and forget them like they never knew..yes i agree it lacks depth ..

ohh i am not russian btw Canadian ,but i have lived in russia for a year i guess...... and can speak Russian lil bit .... "Privet" ,nice to meet you ... i have many Russian friends i talk to )))))))))

hehe this sig is of a band called deadbysunrise ,its side project of linkin park <3

---------- Post added at 08:31 AM ---------- Previous post was at 08:22 AM ----------

Quote:

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Originally Posted by missangelachristine

Its really good but the third stanza doesnt seem to end itself well...the other ones have very good flow and you can tell they end their own stanzas but that one seems like its missing a piece or maybe its because you left it with a question that it seems slightly out of place. I do like it though :)

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i am glad u liked it ^.^
its not complete poem btw ,there are two more stanzas after that.. but its like i use this version more coz the complete one was more like for my ex.. only she would know what i am saying in those stanzas..

as soon as i get time,i will try making it more deep and more rhyming ))

I was ready to comment on the lack of sticking to a regular rhyming scheme, but then i saw that it was lyrics.

You know, poems don't have to rhyme, and if you can't do it well you shouldn't try too hard. I'm not trying to be insulting, you did a fairly good job, meaning it at least makes sense, but your rhymes are very simple: pain;rain, before;door

postponement is a very awkward word, and because of that you shouldn't use it just because it rhymes with moment

Very beautifully written my friend :)

Do you make your own music? This has a lot of potential :3

Very, very good bro. :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kanako

Do you make your own music? This has a lot of potential :3

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yes i do make my own music.. i am currently writing lyrics for my bands album :D //

I'll have to go with minora on this one... just the first two lines read like most other poem beginnings...


But yes I was able to tell is was for a song, and I think it can work out as is. It's simplistic, yes, but sad. Many people will be able to associate.
If you want to save some ink though, all the commas arent nessisary.

A w e s o m e t_t